The Painting box.

Finishing off the blue.

Same Piece . now beginning with the detail ink.

Big piece at the bottom is not working out well.

but.. at least its a test piece.

the Next Phase.. of the Painting.

The piece small is coming along.

in increments.

I made what I thought was a big mistake

but prayed!

and it worked out okay.

posted from,

just call me Dopey as I am on strong anti-biotics

and also eye anti-biotic drops. etc.

Incremental.. bit by bit

I begin with a prayer to the blank canvass to help me bring out what is already there.. I ask for guidance.. I ask to learn..

So sorry that i didn't make this weekend to our training.

any way.. my last 3 weeks have been fruitful in spite of stuff.

this is an uncomplet small test piece.-

that I will do a larger one in the Spring or Summer. Once I have the basic ideas down.

I thought it might helpful and also affirminative to to analog it while it is in process...

over and out,

d

What could I practice if i wanted more of something?

I would practice more affirmation of my intentions.

that would be my intention to continue thru this unforseen appearance of a new cycle in my healing journey thru to the gifts at its center.

To continue to solve what I want in my next job.

To put more fire into my dreams.

To lose more weight.

To create more personal community

To continue to paint

To work thru my experiences of " Meniere's Disease" and consequent hearing loss.


Are intentions ... affirmations...?

over and out
d

What needs Exformation? What Could I practice if I wanted more of something?

My promise to myself is to have this assignment completed by the end of tonight.

I have completed the reading.

In spite of a lapse of writing the topic of : Exformation, has been on my mind since the beginning the new year. It has been at best challenging and difficult in a way that no other assignment as been so far.

I journeyed to the space that ; I was scared to go.

I began returning to my studio upstairs on a regular basis shortly after the NewYear. Primarily because a Chattanooga Dealer liked some of my older pieces and wanted to know if I could paint more simular pieces and secondly because I view Painting as a form of : Exformation.

Exformation- To let energyin all its forms including the toxic form to move thru me and outwards

I wasn't expecting the process of painting to trigger memories and flashbacks but it has. It makes sense now that i look back . I am still painting as a form of exformation although I have begun to complete it with recovery self care tools....

Repulsive Demons have to be hugged. When they feel the hug of the embrace they vaporize down like the nasty green wicked witch and turn into frightened little children. One has to take them and Rock them like loving Mother/Fathers of the Pieta / until the vibrations of your beatinglivingloving heart jumpstarts thiers.

For a long time I called my Demon the Monkey Witch Woman and did alot of journaling and scrap art work on on the topic.

The things that need to be exformed at this moment in time are my Flash-back/Memories while I integrate stuff in guided process work ( Therapy) and at the same time work the usua Self care stuff.

I would say that shear physical energy needs exformation as it puts me back into my body agin. so That would be exerciseing more.

Allowing myself to cry and more.

Watching my cats groom each other and having connection to my next door neighbors German Shepherd: Max . Contact with Animals has a Healing Quality to it. It is more than just Spiritual it has a Healing/Safeness that brings me back to feeling "Home and Grounded".

Feelings of Loneliness in spite of good friends and a casual boyfriend... its the lack of connection.

I have had more flucuations in hearing loss. So next week I have a hearing evaluation at Vanderbilt Bill Wilkerson. I need to work more on "Aroma-therapy" so I have bought some home made soap. Both that sit in my kitchen. One that smells like fresh milled whipping cream and the other like liquorish.

Using my other senses helps me to Exformate.

..........................................................................................................................................

Having Grace & Spirit: What and who makes grace for me? (pp 61-81)

I would like to start with a mention of an Essay entitled , " A love supreme: jazzthetic strategies in Toni Morrison's Beloved" African American Review. 2006 . written by Lars Eckstein

As it the scene in the forrest with Baby Suggs leading the communal / dance praise service that had a pround soulful and spiritual meaning and affirmation to me .

" In the beginning there were no words. In the beginning there was the sound, and they all knew what that sound sounded like,"

The holiness of the body and the power of speech are also brought together in the figure of Baby Suggs. Baby Suggs is an unchurched preacher who calls her people to love themselves by speaking in love each part of the battered body:
"Here, . . . in this place, we flesh; Flesh that weeps, laughs; flesh that dances on bare feet in grass. Love it, love it hard. Yonder they do not love your flesh. They despise it. . . . Love your hands! Love them. Raise them up and kiss them, touch others with them, pat them together, stroke them on your face, ‘cause they don’t love that either. You got to love it, You! And no, they ain’t in love with your mouth. . . . You got to love it. This is flesh that I’m talking about here. Flesh that needs to be loved. Feet that need to rest and to dance, backs that need support; shoulders that need strong arms. . . . More than eyes and feet. More than your life-holding womb and your life-giving private parts, hear em now, love your heart. For this is the prize" [pp. 88-89].
This is a physical resurrection brought on by speech, for with Morrison -- as with Walker and Hurston -- word and flesh, body and soul, belong together.

This is what Dance is for me. What it does for me. I have gone to some drummings and simply danced and I haved gone to some drummings and like the others dancing around Baby Sugges I am dancing and moving each body part as prayer and as affirmation of its intrinsic goodness irregardless of what has been done to it, the pain and suffering inflicted upon it, or the actions that i was forced to do. I am moving it in prayer. I am offering it to the God of all understanding and everytime I dance/pray God is listening.

My head forced into the flushing toilet bowl

My Mouth forced to eat Dog food

My mouth forced on a Phalus

My Mouth with Tape on it. breathing thru my nose.

My Nose forced into Feces

My Eyes covered so that I cannot see.

The broken finger bones.

and Electric shock to my finger tips.

et all.

It is Thru Dance I recieve Grace . My hands move upwards to connect with the creator that created me and wanted me with all its heart to survive.

It is reaching back into the place of "no words" that I recieve grace. Sleeping with hands entwined with my lover is of the softest grace and in making anothers suffering a little more manageable i recieve grace.

Activity #3

Dancing, Singing, Stillness and My Words: Free Writing-What happens as I witness and have been witnessed , have and affirm my truth in Interplay? How is it affecting how I live my life?

*********************************************************************************
Witnessesing others initially was a difficult thing as I felt that everyone's piece was so good, raw, genuine, honest and aesthetically very interesting. I had absolutely no idea what would come out of me, but surely it would not come out as good as thiers. So actually when my turn came the level of support came as a surprise. I felt gently suported and and greatly appreciated the attention to assistance when needed.

I believe that I value the moments of giving in my life more deeply than I did before Interplay.
actually before Christmas i was searching for an ecletic Art store that had moved to the Bellvue Mall.
I drove out there from Hermitage and could not find it. But I did stop in an International type of store. I had asked about Persian/Arabic Calligraphy... and ended up having a very nice conversation with the store Manager on a phrase in the Koran.. he ended up giving me his copy of the Koran. I was in the moment and more, in real time- recieving a real Christmas Present.
I think that that is about being able to be in the present moment and be able to be open to recieve the open spaciousness from other's hearts.

i believe that thru the excercises including the written excercises and readings I have truly seen the door to my fears. The Fear is my fear of failure as an artist. I can be honest about that more recently. In being able to name my fear I feel a strong source of empowerment . I shall name my fear: Rumplestiltskin and perhaps we can talk: My fear and I.

I have also had glimpses into the fact that a great artistic wealth comes from the deep places that carry the most pain and that aesthetic/Artistic abilities are not a curse to deny but a gift
to bring to the forefront of my daily living.

I have immersed myself in many different things. Reading, Writing, reading arts blogs , dance
etc and have been happy in this imersion.

I have already used some interplay/Performance Poetry in an impromptu teaching moment with one of the teens on the street that I live on. Some weeks ago there was a drive by shooting at the two townhouses at the bottom of the circle. These days one of the boys that lives there
comes out a nights to practice his Rap Music. Well I've since been over and talked to him about
Performanc Art. An intro to Jack Keroac, Miguel Pinero , Gil Scott-Heron and the Nuyorican Poets. With some U-tube sites to listen to their performances and 2 of my books to read out loud. Molotov Mouths and a book of Poems by Gil Scott-Heron. Young Teens are hungry for someone to say, " I care."

I can also write that in my part-time work in an aftercare setting. I have used improv as
a Catalyst. This may have partly do with an online Teaching Improv Class and also Interplay.

In addition, I have recieved news from my mother,
that a Chattanooga Art dealer had seen my art work in her room and wanted to know if I would be willing to create more on the same theme for her to sell.
and so now is the time for my conversation with Rumplestiltskin.



d.