Having Grace & Spirit: What and who makes grace for me? (pp 61-81)

I would like to start with a mention of an Essay entitled , " A love supreme: jazzthetic strategies in Toni Morrison's Beloved" African American Review. 2006 . written by Lars Eckstein

As it the scene in the forrest with Baby Suggs leading the communal / dance praise service that had a pround soulful and spiritual meaning and affirmation to me .

" In the beginning there were no words. In the beginning there was the sound, and they all knew what that sound sounded like,"

The holiness of the body and the power of speech are also brought together in the figure of Baby Suggs. Baby Suggs is an unchurched preacher who calls her people to love themselves by speaking in love each part of the battered body:
"Here, . . . in this place, we flesh; Flesh that weeps, laughs; flesh that dances on bare feet in grass. Love it, love it hard. Yonder they do not love your flesh. They despise it. . . . Love your hands! Love them. Raise them up and kiss them, touch others with them, pat them together, stroke them on your face, ‘cause they don’t love that either. You got to love it, You! And no, they ain’t in love with your mouth. . . . You got to love it. This is flesh that I’m talking about here. Flesh that needs to be loved. Feet that need to rest and to dance, backs that need support; shoulders that need strong arms. . . . More than eyes and feet. More than your life-holding womb and your life-giving private parts, hear em now, love your heart. For this is the prize" [pp. 88-89].
This is a physical resurrection brought on by speech, for with Morrison -- as with Walker and Hurston -- word and flesh, body and soul, belong together.

This is what Dance is for me. What it does for me. I have gone to some drummings and simply danced and I haved gone to some drummings and like the others dancing around Baby Sugges I am dancing and moving each body part as prayer and as affirmation of its intrinsic goodness irregardless of what has been done to it, the pain and suffering inflicted upon it, or the actions that i was forced to do. I am moving it in prayer. I am offering it to the God of all understanding and everytime I dance/pray God is listening.

My head forced into the flushing toilet bowl

My Mouth forced to eat Dog food

My mouth forced on a Phalus

My Mouth with Tape on it. breathing thru my nose.

My Nose forced into Feces

My Eyes covered so that I cannot see.

The broken finger bones.

and Electric shock to my finger tips.

et all.

It is Thru Dance I recieve Grace . My hands move upwards to connect with the creator that created me and wanted me with all its heart to survive.

It is reaching back into the place of "no words" that I recieve grace. Sleeping with hands entwined with my lover is of the softest grace and in making anothers suffering a little more manageable i recieve grace.

Activity #3

Dancing, Singing, Stillness and My Words: Free Writing-What happens as I witness and have been witnessed , have and affirm my truth in Interplay? How is it affecting how I live my life?

*********************************************************************************
Witnessesing others initially was a difficult thing as I felt that everyone's piece was so good, raw, genuine, honest and aesthetically very interesting. I had absolutely no idea what would come out of me, but surely it would not come out as good as thiers. So actually when my turn came the level of support came as a surprise. I felt gently suported and and greatly appreciated the attention to assistance when needed.

I believe that I value the moments of giving in my life more deeply than I did before Interplay.
actually before Christmas i was searching for an ecletic Art store that had moved to the Bellvue Mall.
I drove out there from Hermitage and could not find it. But I did stop in an International type of store. I had asked about Persian/Arabic Calligraphy... and ended up having a very nice conversation with the store Manager on a phrase in the Koran.. he ended up giving me his copy of the Koran. I was in the moment and more, in real time- recieving a real Christmas Present.
I think that that is about being able to be in the present moment and be able to be open to recieve the open spaciousness from other's hearts.

i believe that thru the excercises including the written excercises and readings I have truly seen the door to my fears. The Fear is my fear of failure as an artist. I can be honest about that more recently. In being able to name my fear I feel a strong source of empowerment . I shall name my fear: Rumplestiltskin and perhaps we can talk: My fear and I.

I have also had glimpses into the fact that a great artistic wealth comes from the deep places that carry the most pain and that aesthetic/Artistic abilities are not a curse to deny but a gift
to bring to the forefront of my daily living.

I have immersed myself in many different things. Reading, Writing, reading arts blogs , dance
etc and have been happy in this imersion.

I have already used some interplay/Performance Poetry in an impromptu teaching moment with one of the teens on the street that I live on. Some weeks ago there was a drive by shooting at the two townhouses at the bottom of the circle. These days one of the boys that lives there
comes out a nights to practice his Rap Music. Well I've since been over and talked to him about
Performanc Art. An intro to Jack Keroac, Miguel Pinero , Gil Scott-Heron and the Nuyorican Poets. With some U-tube sites to listen to their performances and 2 of my books to read out loud. Molotov Mouths and a book of Poems by Gil Scott-Heron. Young Teens are hungry for someone to say, " I care."

I can also write that in my part-time work in an aftercare setting. I have used improv as
a Catalyst. This may have partly do with an online Teaching Improv Class and also Interplay.

In addition, I have recieved news from my mother,
that a Chattanooga Art dealer had seen my art work in her room and wanted to know if I would be willing to create more on the same theme for her to sell.
and so now is the time for my conversation with Rumplestiltskin.



d.

Activity # 2 A quote and a Prayer.

A quote from, The Places that Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Diffcult Times.
Pema Chodron.

" Confess you hidden faults
Approach what you find repulsive.
Help those you think you cannot help.
Anything you are attached to, let it go.
Go to places that scare you."


My Prayer...

My I go to the Places that scare me

My I lead the life of a warrior.

New World Border and Guillermo Gomez-Pena - Activity # 2

I have recently completed reading the book, The New World Border: Prophecies, Poems and Logueras for the End of the Century. written by Performance Artist: Guillermo Gomez-Pena.

It has been a very long time that I have read a book that has made such an indelible impact on me as an Artist. I look forward to reading more of his books. He has also been a regular commentator on NPR and this is a link to one of his interviews: This is his Website http://www.pochanostra.com/#Scene_1

When I was writing the Poem: The Gift that I put in the last entry. I played around with concepts that i enjoyed Mythology, imagery but this time played with and inter-mixed Mexican, American Indian and Welsh and Celtic Imagery.

I am moving into new territory.
So this is a quote from the book that I am reading currently.
The Places that Scare you by Buddhist Nun, Pema Chodron

Activity # 2 The Gift.

Once upon a fairy tale-
a new lover transformed himself

into a jumping Celtic Salmon / spawning up fresh cold
Spring Alaskan rivers to catch a mate.
later/as Kokapeli, travelor / trickster
who changed himself into Cayote
whose wide brown eyes: mirrored back a dark Jesus preparing for nuptials and in whose armpits lingeried the faint forrest scent of Green Man's leaf

Mayan
Apache

Sparrow and Raven
Chicano/Mexicano/Americanisto
Diego Rivera out hunting with his dog HuckleBerryFinn

Changlings/ Shamans/ Shapeshifters
Los Lonely ones.

Aztec Son of the

Serpent of the Persian Garden
The Antlered Deer King

Shape/ Form
Form from no-form
born from the wild horse goddess
on the nights of las posadas

Salmon/Water Baby
Breathe
Breath now
she said to him

Speak Memory

Think,
Yes.

to the Hiraeth , while not longing for ones's country but

the longing for the home within one's self

Bydd wych!

adieu

adios!

shhh......shhh

The Vedic Rivers call you home.

c. 12/07 chadwick

Activity # 2 Body Wisdom ( Dance, Movement) & Sexuality

I was listening to the Interview below on FORA.TV of Anna Halprin up until about 12am last night & taking notes.

Sexual healing for me began with integrating my body- and that was about movement
and safe touch.

I've always had some kind of connection to Dance at various parts of my life. In high school my friends were mostly the Arts Crowd students. I remember the name that we had for our selves was the " Zoo-Crew" in other words we were adolescent misfits of various sorts. A good friend of that time, Was spotted as having a gift for dance and was accepted at North Carolina School for the Arts in Dance. After graduating from
N.C.S.A he had gone up to NewYork and luckily landed had a job with the Alwin Nikolais Dance Theatre and that he had gone to Europe and had joined " Daniel Ezralow &. . ." Company.
Any way here is his website:http://www.timothyharling.com/.. its incredible to look at the artist and remember when I knew him as a 15 yr old gifted boy . His love of Dance and intense view of the world thru movement had an indelible effect upon me perhaps it was the passion of creation. I don't know what it was, but I was very lucky to have known him.

Interview with Dance Innovator: Anna Halprin ( Very Good)
I decided to post notes from the interview as some of it did relate to the writing topic
Body Wisdome & Sexuality, but also with finding/discovering ones Personal and Artistic Language.
She briefly mentioned the " shedding of all of her old patterns and starting anew. That ability to create this break was how began her new approach to movement"

&
To her " Movement" was a language" and finding the forces of nature within her own body and translating that information into an artistic experssion.
Dance as medium to speak to the spirit world , bring forth change, enhance life and not always be a a decorative spectacle.

Okay. so what does this have to do with my writings on the topic. Aha...
Sexuality must be a language. Isn't it? Expression is Communication.. Right? Well in terms of Body Data, I would say that from the get-go, I never had an opportunity to learn, discover safe and healthy sexuality. Like some Sexual abuse survivors and specically those who were ritualistically abused my cognative connections to sexuality were paired with extreme physical pain and I was living without a necessary language and was missing out on important developmental experiences . It is as if some had asked me to speak, but instead I could only Bark because my tounge had been ripped out.

How was i able to re-build my connection / build my language(bridge) across to sexuality? Where does the instinct to survive come from? It's all part of the great mystery. Those moments beyond desciption are not because I can't find the words but that words simply steal away the holiness of it.
...................................................... ................................ .....................




Healing Hearts thru the Arts.



I began with Movement and Touch , Education, Moving thru Non-feeling of sensation & Personal denial of Sensuality thru The Sexual Ice Ages to Rage and a painful/ depressive Acceptance of the splits created by Damage. of the damage.




After 2 Hosptalizations in teh Nashville , Tn area in Mental Health In-patient programs that were not set up to work specifically with survivors I left with only a a Band aid on festering wounds so it was not until I left the state of Tennessee and attended a specialist Holistic in-patient program for R.A survivors in Alburqerque, New Mexico that I recieved the help that I needed.


--
The Great Mystery--


Connectedness is relationship. Connectedness is respect. Connectedness is understanding. Connectedness is giving.

Connectedness is knowing you are a vital part of something bigger than yourself. Connectedness is listening. Connectedness is realizing that Creation is so beautiful that the Creator must also be beautiful.

Connectedness is having the courage to face one’s greatest enemy — one’s own self. Connectedness is acknowledging and accepting that each life form, each spirit, has value. Connectedness is the ability to seek the good in every situation.

Connectedness is knowing that you are a part of something greater than yourself and that what you do really does make a difference.

Connectedness is the courage to stand up for what’s right and speak out against oppression. Connectedness is fighting injustice, even when you yourself are the one doing the injustice. Connectedness is combating the prejudice in your own heart.
Connectedness is being at peace with yourself, with others, with the world around you, and with the Great Mystery.

Connectedness gives the power to rise above the mundane and to soar with the stars, thus to see the world from a new perspective which few people ever glimpse.

Connectedness gave our shamans the power to make the tents tremble or to know when the earthquake would come or to stand tall when the oppressors bullets struck down without mercy everything they loved.

Connectedness is learned over time and over a difficult trail, but it is worth the learning. We all can be connected once again. Connectedness is available to anyone willing to pay the price of being connected.

published in The Red Heart Warrior, Fall 2003

Activity 2 Coming to your Neighborhood now : Bodies Broken Here

-The Dissconnected Ones-

I liked this particular Piece as the bodies of this group children's photo are more or less realistic but the faces are completley blurred.

it resonates with the portrayal of surrealistically and anatomically disfigured faces even though With the exception of one they all sit with McDonald T-shirts on.

Shells and Masks.

Upon the readings on the last chapter and different types of body " Data" i was thinking how a child's survival amidst abuse depends upon thier ability to create a mind/body split. Children suffering from sensory deprivation( ie put in isolative situations for long periods of time) and/ or enduring long term physical pain will teach themselves to split off from thier bodies.

==================================

Below is a picture of Syrian Street Children.

at 10 yrs old, Disconnection wears her cheap bell bottom jeans / smokes her camel cigarettes & breathes in the icey Christmas air around her. Swallows it whole.

her head now separate from her body

travels to the redwood forrest

To take tea with Hunka-Munka ,Ms.TiggyWinkle

and Alice.

c.dc2007