Activity # 2 A quote and a Prayer.

A quote from, The Places that Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Diffcult Times.
Pema Chodron.

" Confess you hidden faults
Approach what you find repulsive.
Help those you think you cannot help.
Anything you are attached to, let it go.
Go to places that scare you."


My Prayer...

My I go to the Places that scare me

My I lead the life of a warrior.

New World Border and Guillermo Gomez-Pena - Activity # 2

I have recently completed reading the book, The New World Border: Prophecies, Poems and Logueras for the End of the Century. written by Performance Artist: Guillermo Gomez-Pena.

It has been a very long time that I have read a book that has made such an indelible impact on me as an Artist. I look forward to reading more of his books. He has also been a regular commentator on NPR and this is a link to one of his interviews: This is his Website http://www.pochanostra.com/#Scene_1

When I was writing the Poem: The Gift that I put in the last entry. I played around with concepts that i enjoyed Mythology, imagery but this time played with and inter-mixed Mexican, American Indian and Welsh and Celtic Imagery.

I am moving into new territory.
So this is a quote from the book that I am reading currently.
The Places that Scare you by Buddhist Nun, Pema Chodron

Activity # 2 The Gift.

Once upon a fairy tale-
a new lover transformed himself

into a jumping Celtic Salmon / spawning up fresh cold
Spring Alaskan rivers to catch a mate.
later/as Kokapeli, travelor / trickster
who changed himself into Cayote
whose wide brown eyes: mirrored back a dark Jesus preparing for nuptials and in whose armpits lingeried the faint forrest scent of Green Man's leaf

Mayan
Apache

Sparrow and Raven
Chicano/Mexicano/Americanisto
Diego Rivera out hunting with his dog HuckleBerryFinn

Changlings/ Shamans/ Shapeshifters
Los Lonely ones.

Aztec Son of the

Serpent of the Persian Garden
The Antlered Deer King

Shape/ Form
Form from no-form
born from the wild horse goddess
on the nights of las posadas

Salmon/Water Baby
Breathe
Breath now
she said to him

Speak Memory

Think,
Yes.

to the Hiraeth , while not longing for ones's country but

the longing for the home within one's self

Bydd wych!

adieu

adios!

shhh......shhh

The Vedic Rivers call you home.

c. 12/07 chadwick

Activity # 2 Body Wisdom ( Dance, Movement) & Sexuality

I was listening to the Interview below on FORA.TV of Anna Halprin up until about 12am last night & taking notes.

Sexual healing for me began with integrating my body- and that was about movement
and safe touch.

I've always had some kind of connection to Dance at various parts of my life. In high school my friends were mostly the Arts Crowd students. I remember the name that we had for our selves was the " Zoo-Crew" in other words we were adolescent misfits of various sorts. A good friend of that time, Was spotted as having a gift for dance and was accepted at North Carolina School for the Arts in Dance. After graduating from
N.C.S.A he had gone up to NewYork and luckily landed had a job with the Alwin Nikolais Dance Theatre and that he had gone to Europe and had joined " Daniel Ezralow &. . ." Company.
Any way here is his website:http://www.timothyharling.com/.. its incredible to look at the artist and remember when I knew him as a 15 yr old gifted boy . His love of Dance and intense view of the world thru movement had an indelible effect upon me perhaps it was the passion of creation. I don't know what it was, but I was very lucky to have known him.

Interview with Dance Innovator: Anna Halprin ( Very Good)
I decided to post notes from the interview as some of it did relate to the writing topic
Body Wisdome & Sexuality, but also with finding/discovering ones Personal and Artistic Language.
She briefly mentioned the " shedding of all of her old patterns and starting anew. That ability to create this break was how began her new approach to movement"

&
To her " Movement" was a language" and finding the forces of nature within her own body and translating that information into an artistic experssion.
Dance as medium to speak to the spirit world , bring forth change, enhance life and not always be a a decorative spectacle.

Okay. so what does this have to do with my writings on the topic. Aha...
Sexuality must be a language. Isn't it? Expression is Communication.. Right? Well in terms of Body Data, I would say that from the get-go, I never had an opportunity to learn, discover safe and healthy sexuality. Like some Sexual abuse survivors and specically those who were ritualistically abused my cognative connections to sexuality were paired with extreme physical pain and I was living without a necessary language and was missing out on important developmental experiences . It is as if some had asked me to speak, but instead I could only Bark because my tounge had been ripped out.

How was i able to re-build my connection / build my language(bridge) across to sexuality? Where does the instinct to survive come from? It's all part of the great mystery. Those moments beyond desciption are not because I can't find the words but that words simply steal away the holiness of it.
...................................................... ................................ .....................




Healing Hearts thru the Arts.



I began with Movement and Touch , Education, Moving thru Non-feeling of sensation & Personal denial of Sensuality thru The Sexual Ice Ages to Rage and a painful/ depressive Acceptance of the splits created by Damage. of the damage.




After 2 Hosptalizations in teh Nashville , Tn area in Mental Health In-patient programs that were not set up to work specifically with survivors I left with only a a Band aid on festering wounds so it was not until I left the state of Tennessee and attended a specialist Holistic in-patient program for R.A survivors in Alburqerque, New Mexico that I recieved the help that I needed.


--
The Great Mystery--


Connectedness is relationship. Connectedness is respect. Connectedness is understanding. Connectedness is giving.

Connectedness is knowing you are a vital part of something bigger than yourself. Connectedness is listening. Connectedness is realizing that Creation is so beautiful that the Creator must also be beautiful.

Connectedness is having the courage to face one’s greatest enemy — one’s own self. Connectedness is acknowledging and accepting that each life form, each spirit, has value. Connectedness is the ability to seek the good in every situation.

Connectedness is knowing that you are a part of something greater than yourself and that what you do really does make a difference.

Connectedness is the courage to stand up for what’s right and speak out against oppression. Connectedness is fighting injustice, even when you yourself are the one doing the injustice. Connectedness is combating the prejudice in your own heart.
Connectedness is being at peace with yourself, with others, with the world around you, and with the Great Mystery.

Connectedness gives the power to rise above the mundane and to soar with the stars, thus to see the world from a new perspective which few people ever glimpse.

Connectedness gave our shamans the power to make the tents tremble or to know when the earthquake would come or to stand tall when the oppressors bullets struck down without mercy everything they loved.

Connectedness is learned over time and over a difficult trail, but it is worth the learning. We all can be connected once again. Connectedness is available to anyone willing to pay the price of being connected.

published in The Red Heart Warrior, Fall 2003

Activity 2 Coming to your Neighborhood now : Bodies Broken Here

-The Dissconnected Ones-

I liked this particular Piece as the bodies of this group children's photo are more or less realistic but the faces are completley blurred.

it resonates with the portrayal of surrealistically and anatomically disfigured faces even though With the exception of one they all sit with McDonald T-shirts on.

Shells and Masks.

Upon the readings on the last chapter and different types of body " Data" i was thinking how a child's survival amidst abuse depends upon thier ability to create a mind/body split. Children suffering from sensory deprivation( ie put in isolative situations for long periods of time) and/ or enduring long term physical pain will teach themselves to split off from thier bodies.

==================================

Below is a picture of Syrian Street Children.

at 10 yrs old, Disconnection wears her cheap bell bottom jeans / smokes her camel cigarettes & breathes in the icey Christmas air around her. Swallows it whole.

her head now separate from her body

travels to the redwood forrest

To take tea with Hunka-Munka ,Ms.TiggyWinkle

and Alice.

c.dc2007

Notes. The Wisdom of the Body Pgs 39- Activity 2

'> Episode One: Inside the Tinman Misnomer Unpacked.

experimental Dance

Kinesthetic sense-

the way our bodies perceive and receive our own movement and the physicality of other bodies.

I am a Body" : Activity # 2

I am A BoDY .. I am A BoDY.... I am a BoDY.... I am a BoDY... I am a BoDY

Notes: The Wisdom of the Body. 27-38

Book: The Wisdom of The Body. Pages 27-38

These are just the plain ole gosh darn it notes...

A. My body is not a shell, a vessel for either my mind or sould. I do not ' have a body
I am a body.

1. To be body is to claim part of our experience that has been held suspect for years.
for example: feelings, thoughts , longing for connection and our communication with something greater than ourselves ( God) & other parts of our experiences that make us whole.

B. The Practice of Wholeness

1. Affirm the complexity of our physical experience: body, mind and spirit are one complicated tapestry.

2. Body Data: Bits of Information that we constantly receive in the present.
a. physicality
b. sensory
c. emotional
d. conceptional. " I think" and the inner experience

3. Can tradional Categories be expanded?

a. Sensory Information
hear, touch , taste , smell , see? painful or Pleasurable? level of energy? Hungry-thirsty, aroused , fatigued? What physical sensations are you paying attention to or ignoring? Can you bring your attention to a particular part of your body or experience? what memories of physical sensation do you have? How do you incorporate information? Are you more attuned to
visually, auditorily, or kinesthetically? Do you notice difficulties with any of these forms of reception?

b. Posture and Movement.

c. Experience associated with " Feelings"

d. Judgements.
How do you process, analyze, or respond to any of your physical experience? Do you
connect it to other events, rationalizeit, suppress it, or label it? do you determine whether it is experience you would share with someone else or hide from them? Are you ashamed or proud, embarrassed, or frustrated?

e. Memory.
How are you connected to the moment to the past?

f. Imagining the future.
What do you look forward to, long for, or desire? Who or what do you miss?
What fantasies do you entertain- What plans?

h. Mystery and Transcendence.
What is my experience with what I know and what i don't know. How do I react to t he unexplainable? What is it like whan I suddenly get a glimpse of a bigger picture than i cannormally see? What is it to feel connect4ed to one-self, another, the universie, or god?

.4. What gives me energy and what depletes it?

Notes from Body Data, Knowlege and Wisdom 24-42

* Become more aware of you inner information-
what you notice in the moment, the patterns in your experience, and the choices
you make based on this information. *

Body Knowledge, Date and Wisdom

A. Body Data : Information tha is occurring in the moment

Right at this moment I feel... body date is immediate, present-times pieces of information.

It is the flow of body sensations , both physical and emotional that manifest themselves in the moment.

9:37pm Examples: warm, upper back aches, tinititus is ringing a high pitch in my ears, dislodged.

B. Body knowledge: Patterns in your information ( data) over time

C. Body Wisdom: The ability to use Body Knowledge to structure one's life and make beneficial

choices.

Tyranny of External Information

A. Internal Messages whose source is from others.

B. Internal Messages whose source is from oneself.

C. The ability to know the difference between the two.

D. the ability to make personal choices with the above knowledge.

Food 4 Thought:

In particular we are not taught to trust the information of our bodies: to notice the details of our phisicality, to recognize the patterns, to shape our lives according to our inner wisdom. We are suspicious of any informaation that is difficult to articulate. We are not taught to differtiate between information that is our own and ahta which has been drilled into us>

" Pictures" Can Cloud Our View >

* Understand what your " pictures" are, to help sort out differences between the way we imagine things are " supposed" to be and the way they really are *

A. a picture may be the first thing that comes to mind when we think of one subject or another.

B. Can pictures become confused with Reality?

Integrating My relationship to my Artistic Cultural Herstory.

( These two pictures were taken of one of my Blair house Apartment Free community art classes. Alfredo was from Mexico, Illiana was from Bulgaria, and the other Boy was from India and of course my Cat: Max . This particular prodject was on the topic of Installation Art. Here we painted and glued various interesting objects to the iron railing fence for effect. With limited capacites i tried to teach about the Murals of Diego Rivera and physical nature of Art
as a spacial medium. Its Cool for Boys to do Arts too..
I read stories to them outloud in the evenings in using Voice and character in an effort to help them thier English as a Second Language.)

As a child I had a full range of artistic tools to play with. Painting, Poetry, Play-writing,

Singing and Oral Histories ... looking back i got to do all of these and it was fostered and Nurtured and Taught by my Mother, who is Welsh. She never taught me the Welsh language but did try to teach me Welsh Pronunciations. One time she told me of the Welsh Name that she had wanted for me, " Cerys" ( Prounouced: Kerris) But didn't because my British Father did not want me to have a Welsh name.

But instead she told me the stories. These are the oral history of Family and place. People and thier Histories of a time past , and a Village and its Villagers, The land and its Rugged realtionship to land, weather and Sheep .

I recieved the Cultural Heritage of Wales thru story Telling and my mother fostering my Poetry Writing, The Bardic Tradition and a brief lineage to a Female Bard on my mothers side of the Family.

In addition was her love of Artistic Expression and good afternoons were spent recieving painting lessons from my mother. After some time I was set up with an " Art area" in the living where i could paint on Sunday mornings.

Mother, Mother

Teach me your language of Songs

Unfortunealy in the Personal history of Artistic Expression my Father silenced all of it and by the time We had moved to Chattanooga, Tn there was no Art making at my house.

my mother simply found another location.

My mother did extensive work at the Hunter Art Museum althought there was a tiny Glass museum next to it, my mother spent hours there with her Glass art. Studying them, Arranging them, Preparing for entire shows. Here she taught me the love of Glass, Tile, design , Arrangment, Mosiac, An entire range of The textile arts.In my teens, I spend quite a few hours working with her on Lighting design ideas for shows.

But Baby what do ya luv?

The R.A Piece of the Puzzle.Does it need to be in my space?

This is the title of a post at an Art Blog:
entitled, " Papiers Colles, Creative Collage and Mixed Media Musings,"

The Society for the Humane Treatment of

Old Memories

I had written earlier in my first list about if in someway specifically assisting other survivors of Ritualistic Abuse would be a part of my " Having - it- all.

and the truth is: I don't know. Not at this time.

I think that survivors of extreme abuse and torture have so many phases of recovery and healing to move thru. Each phase lasts as long as the individual needs it to. Anger and Rage have thier place as a neccessary part of healing, the point is not to drown in it and be able to cycle into the next stage.
*
I have from time to time thought of telling my story at the Rape and Sexual Abuse Center. Its just that my identity is not just my abuse story but who I became in spite of it.
so I'm not so sure of its importance right now.
On the other hand, I do-
Maybe its the Vocal " Telling the Story" is some thing that I want to do unless I do it as a a means of educating Therapists As i have been mulling on this overnight , Performing, writing, and and artistically rendering my story is more preferable.

To me it has become very political and i wonder if I need to
integrate it into my Art instead. Its political nature I feel in my skin and

quite seem to

elaborate on this.

So I read and study more........

Pulling it together.

Click here >>> to go the " Find Five Random Objects Show"...

So when I have read all that has been put into this blog so far on Healing Splits? It is not about finding my voice: as i have discovered it. Perhaps its about that space where I can experiment
with my voices ( languages) , and i refer to voices as the multi- faces of the arts within myself. I believe that when i do that I will continue to unravel the inner mistery of my own language and the Mumbi within . It is my wish to play within the language of my creation.

As so well articulated by a Blog commentator it Maybe also about knowing my own personal power. Reclaiming power is that, it is an act, but to know one's power. To feel it . Especially in the Artistic realm, the experiential and kinesthetic realm is a different Area of reclamation. Maybe because " to know" is cerebral" and to feel knowledge is a bodily manifestation.

This integration allows me to open the door.

With this Process travels a personal manifesto ; a need, to advocate and create ground of affirmation to all who need the space to discover, create or maintain thier own cultural/ personal language. It was this manifesto that I nurtured while working my 18 years with the Department of Patient Affiars at Vanderbilt Medical Center and encountered again while working with the Hispanic Achievers Group, Fathers in Prison, Children of Incarcerated Parents and others.

Language: A Voice

I found this Blog : English Language Teaching and Linguistics and found this to be an interesting site as the English is being learned by Turkish Students, who
have an insightful view of language and lingustics.

a commenter writes:

:Language is a mean based on mental and spiritual processes and social conditions to express and exchange thoughts, imaginations, cognitions, feelings and informations. It is also a symbolic interaction and a kind of behavior. It is our language which makes us to human beings, because it is a system of social norms, allowing us to live together in a community

.I would define language as a device to communicate. And as you know, you have to know how your device is working. It is important to use your device effectively. A saying says: “If you do not know the power of words, you can not imagine how powerful persons might be. Thus the usage of our language is very significant. If you know playing with language or words you are able to master almost everything, but if you do not know how to handle with, you can not even gain self knowledge not to mention success.

Briefly concerning the abstract aspect I would define language as a matter of opinion, it is one’s ideology or world outlook for Ludwig Wittgenstein says: “The borders of my language are the borders of my life”.
Sine Demirkıvıran

and another,

WHAT İS LANGUAGE? Language is a sound system with which we express our thouts,ideas,emotions and also we can understand what the others say.ıt help us think. By means of language we interact with other people.

Besides,language is everything of a nation. Culture,politics, tradition of a nation are shaped thanks to the language.What the role of water is to human beings the language is the same for a nation. It is surely and mostly is the major yearning of a human being.

All science,literature,tecnology develope by means of language.Language and humanbeing go together.The longer a nation's language lives the longer a nation lives.
AYŞE NİHAL İBAŞ

Finally,
takejiro said...

language is art and we are artists. so, it is your choice:
yılanı deliğinden çıkaracak mısın, yoksa başı mı kestireceksin?... ( Turkish)

The Objects.

Here in my wide open space.
My Room as wide as my Heart.
As big as my any world that I create
In my Space Transcendence Breathes like an emerald Welsh Dragon.

Multiculturism.
This has always been a ribbon thru all of my various work and personal interests. It has weaved an intrinic web in me and i haven't quite integrated whats it's meaning thru and to myself yet.
Yet, one thing that I can say is that its knowledge and affirmation is of the utmost importance to me. ( maybe I'll write why more later)
and in that light I have found a lovely site on African Art and Written Word entitled: African Painters.

Here in this big wide open space.
I will place my objects of Transcendence.

Oh Yea The Door !

I have a small little slip of paper from an Interplay retreat last March , in nice script it says, " Honor your Door ways." This sits next to my Bhudda holding the stone, " desire" in his palms.
I am reading a Book entitled, " Penpoints, Gunpoints, and Dreams" Towards a Critical Theory of the Arts and The State in Africa , written by Kenyan Writer, Ngugi wa Thiong'O .

" In history the appearance of art in human life precedes the emergence of the state. There were body decorations, rock drawings, songs and dances long before even the rudimentary forms of state. The state as we know it has not always existed."

I had found it fasinating that God and Art were One Integrated Concept and that there was no distinction between the two.

The Gikuyu word for the Artist is : Mumbi
meaning the one who moulds, the creator

Mumbi wa Iguru na thi: the creator of heaven and earth and the first Artist.

Maker of pots
Maker of images

In the same language it also covers the 3 senses of Mumbi:
nature, nurture and the human imagination.

Of the Agikuyu people of Kenya , the voice of the singer of good words was really the voice of " God".

He writes, " Absolute Art is for the celebration of absolute motion, which is life" and before this he writes, Art is always reminding the present of the obvious: even you shall pass this way again. A colonial state and a neo-colonial state, which are variants of an absolutist state... will enevitable come into conflict with any words and images that embody change. The Absolute state is for the absolute cessation of motion, which is death."

So here I write about " The Voice" and its meaning as one of the many facets . Soul Maker- Body Maker- Creator- Mumbi- Pot Maker- Maker of the Heart Beat, Planet Drum Maker and The One who makes my Flesh Dance.

Within the Collective Framework of Colonization is the Colonization of the Body and the Mind.

It's the deconstruction of the " Beautiful One within Ones Self" is to loose ones Voice and language that fills the air . It is an open space. Not Theatre, Not a Gallery, Not a House, and not a room.

It is an open Space- an open Performance Space where within its open borders I have been able to experiment , create and construct a new voice.

In the Beginning there was an Invocation.

Calling the Animal Spirits
a chant by Ananaia

( I think of this as an invocation to the Healing of Body/Spirit)


Animal Spirits join me here Raven, hawk & owl draw near.
Fly with me.Help me seeThe Way of Beauty.

Fly with me!Fly high with me! Fly with me! Fly high with me!
Animal Spirits join me here

Puma, lizard, snake draw near.
Walk with me. Help me see The Way of Beauty.
Walk with me! Walk close with me! Walk with me! Walk close with me!

Animal Spirits join me here Salmon, whale & frog draw near.

Swim with me.
Help me seeThe Way of Beauty.

Swim with me! Swim deep with me! Swim with me! Swim deep with me!
Animal Spirits join me here Bison, deer & wolf draw near.

Be with me.Help me seeThe Way of Beauty.

Be with me!Be here with me!Be with me!Be here with me!

Integration.

I supose that i can be quite analytical and need to challenge myself with the word
"Integration ". What does it mean to me ? , as it has meant many different things at various personal milestones and specifically what is its meaning is to me in my work/ study/ Playstory within Interplay.

I have integrated past and present and know thru my body what it is like to
tread hand in hand with the past thru the present and into the future. It can be a delicate dance, a throbbing estatic dance of union, a leap off a face of a canyon into the darkness below only to be recieved by a soft green river bed. It is to live daily with the knowledge of human darkness in its most primal form and still live. It is all this and more.

Notes from the 1st Class.

Session 1. Healing Splits- What if I am integrated and already have it all?


My notes from the 1st class

healing /Split > where r my splits?
a. Past and Present

If there were fewer splits between past and present I would utilize strengths and my personal story to assist and lighten the way for other R.A survivors....

1. Present > What do I love

If.... between present and " what I love (?) I spent time writing about what I love I'd spend time writing What have I discovered lately lately that fill me with wonder and soulfullness. How would I discover new things.

2. Having more Fullment

3. Having it all " Balance" This leads to > the question.. When am i out of Balance?
Can i feel it?


Thought: " Aimlessness vs. Artfullness